I’m reading a book on forming mini habits in order to achieve goals in life, and it inspired me to do just what the author did: write at least 50 words a day. It seems like such a paltry goals, 50 words, but that is the whole point. By saying I only need to do this much, I have already achieved my goal. And now that I have started, I have the momentum to keep going without having to force myself to keep writing. The words are just rolling off my fingers.
For the last year, I have not kept my blog. I’ve used so many excuses: no time, no energy, not knowing what to write about. But the truth is, I was just being lazy. I had gotten myself a “real” job, which I used as an excuse to not write. Who needs to write when a steady paycheck is coming in?
Well, I don’t have that steady paycheck anymore, and I am regretting not keeping up with the writing I always say I love and need to do. I have a lot on my mind, but I don’t take the time to put down into words what I feel. Also, I think that I’ve avoided my blog because I ended up making it something that I didn’t want it to be. I started to write about motivation, coming up with helpful tips, instead of writing about my ideas, struggles, and successes. I’ve always thought that self-revelation stories are more useful to people than straight how-to, but I failed to write those things, those things that truly inspire me. My intention now is to steer it back in the direction I really want to write about. The real reason I want to write is because I feel like I have something to say and wanted a platform to say it. But, I made a mistake in starting to write a motivational blog, feeling like that was the direction I was supposed to go. It’s what all the cool coaches were doing.
But I lost motivation for that. While the necessity for this kind of work is definitely real, it is not MY work. And that is the key. My intention for my blog was to write about those things that are important to me, and that is the way I want to go. My mistake with my writing career previously was trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be instead of the words I am called to write. I have been denying what is in my heart and soul, that which I find the most important things to share.
So that is my intention: to share my heart and soul, to become the writer that I dream of being. Today is the first day of my life as the writer that I want to be.
The biggest reason for my frustrations is that I have been trying to be what everyone else thinks I should be. I’ve always been called by my soul to follow my own beat and ideas about what I should be doing with my life, but there has also been this tug from my critical mind (probably put there by my mother) to conform to the world around me and to do what others expect of me. My entire life has been wrestling the urge to be myself versus the urge to fit in. And what I have decided this week is that I have such a difficult time with life because the side that tells me to fit in keeps winning the argument. And trying to fit into that tiny box has been strangling my energy source. It is exactly why I don’t fit in.
So, I’ve decided that I should let my true colors shine. I’ve decided that the best way to find my place is to stand out in the world, instead of trying to fit in. Conformity is not for me, and I hope by using this blog as a place to represent an alternative viewpoint in the world, I will inspire others to follow their own beat. Each unique beat makes the world a much more beautiful place. Without our differences in ideas, opinions, and creations, there would be no beautiful art, no inspiring music, no phenomenal plays. We would end up being like the Cybermen in Doctor Who…they all have a brain, but without their uniqueness, nothing can be beautiful anymore. And without beauty, what is the point of living?
I’ve been off the grid for over a year, but I am back now! Diving back into my blog and website. I’m excited to bring some unique content to this website and the internet!